We’ve spent most of our lives measuring progress by what we get done – ticking off tasks, meeting deadlines, staying busy.
Retirement gives us the freedom to shift our focus. It’s no longer just about doing; it’s more about being.
It’s about asking (and answering!): Who do I want to be in this phase of my life?
A to-do list helps us fill our days. A to-be list helps us fill them with meaning.
Here’s how to create one, using my simple 3-step ADA approach: awareness, decisions, actions.
Step 1: Awareness – Who do you want to be?
Start by taking time to reflect. This step is about noticing what matters most to you now.
Ask yourself:
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- What kind of person do I want to be in this stage of my life?
- What qualities or states of being feel most important to me (e.g., calm, healthy, connected, adventurous, curious)?
- How do I want to show up for myself and for others?
Step 2: Decisions – Create your to-be list
Now turn your awareness into clear intentions.
Decide what belongs on your to-be list. Phrase each one as an “I am” or “I want to be” statement.
Examples:
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- I want to be adventurous and try new experiences.
- I am a supportive friend and community member.
- I am patient and kind to myself and others.
- I am strong and take care of my body.
- I am a lifelong learner.
- I am a calm and present grandmother.
- …
Your to-be choices are not tasks to complete – they are qualities to grow into.
Step 3: Actions – Bring your to-be list to life
Your to-be list becomes powerful when paired with small, consistent actions.
For each quality, choose 1 or 2 supportive to-dos: activities, behaviours, or habits that will help you grow into the chosen qualities.
Examples:
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- To-be: healthy –> To-do: Walk 20 minutes daily, prepare one nutritious meal each day.
- To-be: connected –> To-do: Call or visit a friend once a week, join a local group or class.
- To-be: lifelong learner –> To-do: Enrol in an online course, take a weekly walk to explore unfamiliar areas of your town.
Place your to-be list somewhere visible (planner, journal, fridge) and review it regularly. Ask yourself:
“Are my daily choices moving me closer to the person I want to be?”
My example
These are my favourites on my to-be list:
I want to be curious, courageous, and compassionate.
So, in the morning, I often ask myself:
What can I do today to show up with more curiosity, courage, and/or compassion? This helps me define or adjust my to-do list, and often makes the doing more enjoyable.
Make your next to-do your to-be:
Write your first “I want to be…” statement and take one small action to support it.
Our to-do lists manage our time. Our to-be lists shape our lives.
Together, they help us create a retirement that’s not just full but deeply meaningful.