Category: Intentional Living

Why we should prepare and keep easy-to-find instructions with our sentimental belongings

Some time ago, I wrote about Margareta Magnusson’s book ‘The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning‘ and about my personal experience with ‘death cleaning’ after my mother’s death.

Sorting through the belongings of a loved one is always tough and emotionally challenging.

My mother was very well organised and this made the unwanted decluttering task easier for us. 

However, there was one category of my mother’s belongings that we struggled to make decisions about.

We found a  collection of the letters my mother and my father had exchanged before they got married. And my mother hadn’t left any instructions or hints about what she expected us to do with the letters.

Had she kept the letters just for herself, so that she could read them again whenever she felt like doing so? Or had she wanted to share the letters with us, expecting us to read them now?

My sisters and I finally agreed on the assumption that she had kept the letters for herself, not for us, – and we burnt them.

But even today, I still feel not completely comfortable about it – because we’ll never know for sure whether this really was what she’d have wanted us to do.

My personal set of ‘Death Cleaning’ guidelines

Based on my theoretical (Margareta’s book) and practical (sorting my mother’s belongings) learning experiences, I now follow

My new personal organising rules:

• • I take my yearly decluttering sessions even more seriously because I don’t want to burden someone else with clearing unnecessary clutter after my death.
  • I keep permanently updated folders, one physical and one digital folder, that contain all our (my husband’s and mine) important documents and personal information.
  • I have reduced the number of photos, sentimental items, and memorabilia. And I keep them all in two boxes. On top of these boxes, I placed a note: “Sentimental stuff, just important to me, you (whoever it is who has to sort out my stuff) can throw it away, without any feelings of regret or guilt”.

I think it is very human that most of us don’t like – and therefore try to avoid – considering the fact that our lives will end at some point in time.

However,

I do believe that we should feel responsible for the future and take care of our loved ones: We should make sure that they don’t have to ‘death clean’ for us.

I also believe that we should feel responsible for the present and take care of ourselves: Regularly sorting through our stuff can be hard work but consider the benefits for your life:

‘Death Cleaning’ (= Decluttering) can be a very intentional and productive experience:

• • It’s an opportunity to learn about ourselves and our very personal values.
  • It helps us to re-focus our attention and energy towards our future and our goals.
  • It clears our space and our mind.

Do you feel inspired now to do some ‘Death Cleaning’?

Take responsibility for your belongings today. Don’t leave them as a burden to family and friends. And enjoy the process of putting your things in order!

A few years ago, Margareta Magnusson, the Swedish lady aged “between 80 and 100”, published her book ‘The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning:

How to make your loved ones’ lives easier and your own life more pleasant’

I am interested in any book that has to do with decluttering. However, I remember that I was a bit hesitant to buy this one when I saw it in the bookshop. ‘Death Cleaning‘?! The title sounds really weird, doesn’t it? But I bought it, – and very much enjoyed reading it.

And I learned a lot about decluttering again, this time from a new and refreshing perspective.

This book is not about someone who’s all her life struggled to keep the house organised, and now presents the perfect and the only solution.

Instead, it’s the story of someone approaching the end of life, sharing what she learned by clearing up after family members’ deaths, and why it’s useful to get our things in order before we die.

“I’ve death cleaned so many times for others, I’ll be damned if someone has to death clean for me,” Margareta Magnusson writes.

‘Death cleaning’ is not only useful for older people.

Clearing out unnecessary belongings can be undertaken at any age or life stage but should be done sooner than later – before others have to do it for us.

“It is not sad at all,” Margareta says. “I’ve discovered that it is rewarding to spend time with these objects one last time and then dispose of them.”

Make the lives of your loved ones easier, sort out your belongings now.

Some weeks after I’d read the book, my mother passed away, unexpectedly.

Clearing out her home was a very sad and upsetting process for my sisters and me. Only many months later, I was able to think about that process in a less emotional way.

I realised that my mother in most regards had followed Margareta’s recommendations – without knowing her book!

My mother’s paperwork was orderly sorted and all kept in one place.

Yes, she had taken thousands of photographs during the course of her life and her travels, but they were all well-sorted in albums and photo books.

She loved decorating her place and regularly rearranged the interior design of her house. However, she left only one cupboard with no-longer-used decorative items she had collected over the years and not managed to dispose of.

She was a great entertainer and often invited people to her place. But she had only kept the amount of crockery, cutlery, glasses, and kitchenware that was necessary to prepare and organise the meals and parties for her family and friends.

She enjoyed reading in the evenings but had kept only those books she planned to read again and again.

Sorting through the belongings of a loved one is always tough and emotionally challenging.

However, my mother had successfully managed to make this unwanted task as easy as possible for us.

There was only one category of my mother’s belongings that we struggled to make decisions about. Read more …

In life-change situations, the creation of a clutter-free home – the active process of sorting through all our belongings and intentionally deciding what we want to keep – can make the transition easier. 

What is clutter?

My favourite definition of clutter is very simple:

‘Clutter is anything that doesn’t serve us (any longer). We don’t need it, we don’t use it, we don’t love it.’

This short definition is easy to remember and it’s very helpful while we are sorting through our stuff – whenever we need to make a decision, we can just ask, ‘does this serve me?’

Julie Morgenstern’s definition of clutter helps us see why intentional decluttering projects can make life changes easier:

‘Clutter’ can be defined as any obsolete object “that weighs you down, distracts you, or depletes your energy”.

It “is symbolic of your attachment to something from the past that must be released in order to make room for change”. (Julie Morgenstern)

Clutter is nothing we should feel ashamed of or guilty about.

Instead of judging ourselves and hating the ‘obsolete objects’ in our home, we can decide to accept the clutter as what it actually is:

A collection of belongings that no longer serves our needs but that was useful to us at some point in time.

Positive effects of the decluttering process

If we consider clutter as being ‘anything that no longer serves’ us, the process of ‘decluttering’ loses its negative image.

Instead of being the unpleasant activity of just throwing things away, it evolves as a powerful ‘change assistant’.

In fact, decluttering can be a positive and productive experience, an opportunity to learn about ourselves and our values.

The starting point of the decluttering/change process: Awareness

Before we declutter anything, we take the time to thoroughly evaluate and ‘understand’ our belongings.

We ‘study’ everything we own, but especially the clutter, and explore its former meaning and value.

Then we consider and decide what’s of current and future value to us. These are the things we want to keep.

Finally, we are able to intentionally and decisively loosen our attachment to those objects and issues of our past that no longer serve us, and sort them out.

Why the decluttering process is especially helpful during life transitions

We are all human beings and we all have a human brain. 🙂

That’s good, most of the time. But not so much during life-transitions. 

Our human brain doesn’t like change. It wants us to be safe and to stay where we are, and it wants the things in our life to remain exactly as they are now. 

That’s why life-changes – moving from what currently is and what we know well to something new and unknown – often create uncomfortable feelings, like anxiety, sadness, and resistance.

Intentionally decluttering our physical belongings can make change less frightening.

While we are taking everything out and evaluating what we currently have in our life, we become more aware of what we value, what’s really important to us, and what we want to take along into the next phase of our life.

The increased awareness makes it easier for us to decide with confidence about what we want to leave behind because it no longer serves us.

We intentionally let go of the things that belong to the past – which frees us up to move on into the future – with more clarity and lightness.