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Easy-to-do mini habits help us achieve our goals – easier and faster

Mini habits create the path to our goals – no matter how big those goals are.

If we want to achieve long-term goals, we should not focus on the goal itself but on the behaviours that will get us to the goal.

We design an easy path to the goal by choosing suitable behaviours and changing them into habits.

The behaviours that we want to develop into habits should be behaviours that we want to do – because we have positive thoughts and feelings about them:

    • They don’t make us feel cautious, anxious, or threatened – because we don’t expect them to be risky or dangerous.
    • They make us feel motivated and excited – because we trust they will be easy to do, even enjoyable, not at all painful or hard and difficult.
    • They don’t make us feel overwhelmed or exhausted – because we know they will not cost us much energy and effort.

Because of our deliberately positive thoughts and feelings, we are willing and able to do new behaviours repeatedly, until we have achieved the goal.

To check whether the chosen action is tiny and enjoyable enough, we can ask ourselves if we can believe and say with confidence:

Continue reading Easy-to-do mini habits help us achieve our goals – easier and faster

Easy-to-do mini habits – the foundation of our habit-creation success

The power of mini habits

Mini habits are much smaller versions of a new behaviour habit that we want to develop.

For example:

If we want to create the habit of running 60 minutes each day, a mini habit could be to walk each day for 10 minutes, or even just 5 minutes.

Mini habits have so many benefits:

Mini behaviours and mini habits help us avoid procrastination.

Procrastination is a short-term mood repair; we procrastinate to manage our emotions. That’s why getting started is often so challenging.

If we, for example, feel anxious about something we need to do and decide to put it off until tomorrow, our anxiety disappears, and we feel relief.

The positive feeling of relief is a reward for the procrastination behaviour – and the more a behaviour is rewarded, the more the survival manager likes it, and the more likely we are to repeat it. We kind of train ourselves to procrastinate.

That’s why it is so important to break down goals, projects, or new habits into small, easily doable pieces.

If we can expect and experience success from the beginning, we no longer feel anxious and hesitant to get started.

Now we get rewarded by our successes and no longer need ‘reward from failure’ (the relief after the postponing).

Mini behaviours and mini habits get us well prepared for more difficult behaviours.

If we practice small and easy-to-do behaviours, we create easy, fast, and constant successes that we can directly celebrate and feel positive about.

And success leads to success.

If we feel successful at something, even if it’s something small, our confidence increases, and we feel motivated to do it again, and to perform related behaviours.

And the more we do a behaviour, the easier it gets. Which again increases confidence and motivation.

And higher confidence and motivation levels increase our ability and willingness to do behaviours that are harder or bigger than the original one.

Mini behaviours and mini habits make us independent from our current level of motivation.

Yes, if motivation is high, we are willing to do difficult or hard behaviours.

But motivation is unreliable because it is based on how we feel.

We all experience ‘low mood days’.

Low feelings usually show up unpredictably and are often hard to get rid of. We are tired, have a headache, just feel miserable, stressed, weak.

If feelings are low, motivation is low.

Also, doing big things can feel hard and painful. We might have to push ourselves beyond our physical, emotional, or mental capabilities.

The survival manager of our brain (read more HERE), however, doesn’t want us to do painful or energy-sucking things. That’s why we can’t expect our brain to support us and why our motivation might shrink as soon as things become more demanding.

If we make a behaviour/habit tiny and easy to do, we don’t need much motivation.

We enable ourselves to do the behaviour successfully and repeatedly, no matter how our motivation might fluctuate.

Mini behaviours and habits are free of risk, danger, failure. They feel safe.

The main task of one part of or brain (the survival manager) is taking care of our safety and survival.

That’s why it not only wants us to avoid any potentially painful activities. It also wants us to avoid any potential risk or danger. To keep us save, it wants us to stay where we are and not change ourselves or our circumstances.

We can overcome our brain’s worries and fears and resistance to trying something new by avoiding big changes and instead choosing new behaviours that are so small and easy to do that they feel safe. 

Mini behaviours and habits help us change our beliefs and our self-image to the better.

Our habits at least partly determine how we see ourselves, what we think and feel about the person we are (becoming).

Habits – behaviours we do consistently – become parts of our personality – the good ones as well as the bad ones. (E.g., ‘I watch TV each evening – I’m a lazy coach potato’, ‘I’m used to get up at 5am – I am a productive early morning bird’).

Practicing new habits is like developing new personality traits.

Mini habits create success experiences fast and easily which allows us to faster and easier see ourselves as a person who is successfully changing to the better: someone who is getting good at doing what she/he wants to do, who is becoming an expert in creating new habits, who is able and willing to do desired behaviours consistently.

Doing what we want to do makes us feel good and confident about ourselves and our capabilities. And possibilities.

Which makes working on more complex behaviours and habits easier and more probable.

The process of habit development

Regular repetition of a new behaviour finally makes it habitual.

If we decide to start a new behaviour and intend to continue doing it, we want the new behaviour to get deeply ingrained in our brain and become habitual behaviour, so that we no longer have to invest attention and effort into doing it regularly and reliably.

And yes, if we manage to continue doing the behaviour for a while, our brain ‘gets used’ to it and accepts it as the best course of action in certain circumstances.

It decides that it no longer needs to take conscious care of the behaviour and transfers it into its unconscious areas – the behaviour becomes a habit.

Example:

Most of us buckle up as soon as we sit down in our car. We don’t have to think about it, we don’t have to remind ourselves to do it, we do it on default – buckling up before we start driving has become an unconscious behaviour – a habit.

It’s easier to transform a new behaviour into a habit if our brain ‘likes’ the behaviour.

The problem with many new behaviours is that the survival manager of our brain (Click here to read more about the two parts of the brain) doesn’t want to ‘get used’ to doing them in the beginning.

As soon as we start to execute a new behaviour, the survival manager in our brain gets nervous.

Continue reading The process of habit development

The purpose of habits

The general purpose of habits – Habits help us survive

Habits are not boring or tedious or old-fashioned or stuffy – habits are necessary, effective, and efficient strategies that help us survive and flourish.

Our brain would get overwhelmed and finally collapse if it always had to deliberately choose what to do in a specific moment. We wouldn’t be able to use our brain for high-level cognitive processes if it had to take care of all the nitty-gritty situations and events in our daily life.

About 45% of our daily actions and behaviours are unconscious habits: actions and behaviours that we do on default, without thinking about them.

By taking regularly required behaviours and organising them into habits that get automatically activated when needed, the brain (the survival manager) helps us save energy. (Read more about the two parts of the brain here.)

And we gain precious free space and capacity in our conscious mind that we can use for more demanding cognitive work (the responsibility of the growth manager).

The purpose of intentional habits – Habits help us change and grow

Continue reading The purpose of habits

How can we help our brain let go of its change-aversion – so that we can change ourselves and our life?

The good news is that we are the boss of our brain.

We are responsible – and capable! – of paying close attention to what’s happening in our brain.

We can – and should! – take the leadership.

It’s our job to supervise the survival manager and the growth manager (read more here) and make them cooperate in ways that allow us to survive and to grow.

As we are now aware of the main interests of the survival manager – seeking pleasure, avoiding pain, and saving energy – we can decide to actively support the growth manager and take the lead in the discussions with the survival manager.

The best growth strategy is to pursue new goals and change-intentions in ways that help loosen the survival manager’s automatic resistance:

    • Powerful thoughts and feelings

We deliberately choose and practice empowering thoughts about our plans which help us create powerful feelings. The survival manager’s automatic resistance thoughts lose their power and influence.

    • Easy-to-do actions and behaviours

Continue reading How can we help our brain let go of its change-aversion – so that we can change ourselves and our life?

The two parts of our human brain – and why one of them doesn’t want us to change and evolve

In recent articles of this series, we talked about the power of our thoughts and how the quality of our thinking determines the results and experiences we have in our life.

Because it’s our thoughts that determine what we do – which actions we take and which behaviours we execute consistently.

Today we want to learn more about the human brain and how we can manage it successfully.

The human brain consists of two main parts.

One part of the human brain acts as our ‘survival manager’.

It has helped the human species to survive for thousands and thousands of years by

    • directing us to the things that keeps us alive (food, shelter, sex, community, etc.) and
    • keeping us away from the things that are or could be painful, dangerous, risky (trying new things, moving out of our comfort zone, being adventurous, etc.).

Another part of the brain is responsible for the ‘executive’ work, the high-level cognitive tasks.

Continue reading The two parts of our human brain – and why one of them doesn’t want us to change and evolve

Why it’s so important to choose our thoughts very carefully

Our thoughts determine what we do or don’t do.

Our thoughts and beliefs, the stories we tell ourselves about who we are and what we can or cannot control, what we can or cannot do, determine how we feel, and our feelings drive our actions – the things we do or don’t do.

It really is this easy – whatever our challenge is, our thoughts determine how we approach and manage it:

    • ‘Bad’ (negative, powerless, weak, self-limiting, doubtful, etc.) thoughts create ‘bad’ feelings.

Example:

If I think, ‘This is such a mess, I can’t clear it up.’ I feel hopeless.

    • ‘Bad’ feelings make us take ‘bad’ actions.

If I feel hopeless, I take no action at all or I start and then give up quickly.

    • ‘Bad’ actions create ‘bad’ results/experiences in our life.

Procrastinating or giving up leaves the mess as it is. I create evidence for my original thought (‘I can’t clear it up’).

If we want to change our results, we need to act differently.

Continue reading Why it’s so important to choose our thoughts very carefully

Habits create sustainable change – one-time actions often don’t

‘What you do most days matters more than what you do once in a while.’ (Gretchen Rubin)


The results created by one-time actions are often not sustainable.

Yes, of course, one-time actions can create changes in our life. Even big changes. But do they last?

Example:

Think about a cluttered garage.

A big one-time action, like working a whole weekend in the garage, can definitely create visible and real change: at the end of the weekend the garage is (ideally) clutterfree and organised.

But how will it look like in 4 months’ time?

The success of many one-time actions is short-lived because we do change our external environment, yes, but we don’t change ourselves (our thoughts and feelings), and we don’t change what we do on a regular basis.

New habits help us create reliable and lasting results.

Continue reading Habits create sustainable change – one-time actions often don’t

Clutterfree thoughts + powerful habits = clutterfree life

Clutterfree thoughts -> help us create powerful habits -> which help us create a clutterfree life

Where does the clutter in our life come from?

As human beings, we all have the tendency to accumulate clutter.

It shows up as

    • Thoughts in our mind that don’t serve us.
    • Feelings in our heart that disturb our wellbeing.
    • Actions in our daily life that draw us away from where we want to go.
    • Results in our life that keep us stuck.

The most damaging category of clutter is the clutter in our mind.

What we think determines how we feel and act, and what we create in our life.

Continue reading Clutterfree thoughts + powerful habits = clutterfree life

New habits help you change your life – but do you KNOW WHAT you want TO CHANGE?

Life changes and the importance of asking powerful questions

If we want to make changes in our life, in any area of our life, we need to change our daily life. And ourselves!

We need to think and behave differently, repeatedly, and consistently. We need to form new thought patterns and behaviour habits.

But do you know exactly what you want to change?

And why?

And what the outcomes are that you want to achieve? And why?

And what the specific thought and behaviour habits are that you need to implement to realise the desired change?

The best starting point for any intentional change in our life is to ask ourselves some challenging questions – and answer them!

Questions like these:

    • If my life was ‘perfect’, if it was 100% as I want it to be – what would be different compared to what it is right now?
    • What would have to change in the various areas of my life before I could call them ‘ideal’?
    • How would the ‘perfect’ version of myself be different and behave differently compared to the person I currently am?
    • And – very important – why would the desired versions of my life and of myself be better than the current versions?
    • How am I going to think, feel, and act differently in future? What will I think about myself? What will I feel? What will I do differently?

What’s the purpose of asking challenging questions?

The purpose of this type of questions is not, of course, to make us feel disappointed, incapable, or frustrated  – if right now we are at a place that’s far from ‘perfect’.

The purpose is also not to create feelings of shame, regret, missing out – because we haven’t yet managed to get where we want to be.

The only purpose of asking ourselves questions like those above is to help us gain awareness:

Our answers help us understand better

    • what’s going on in our mind and heart,
    • what’s really important to us,
    • what our dreams and aspirations are and
    • why we have them.

The increased awareness is often all we need to feel motivated and get active.

As soon as we can clearly describe the differences between our present life and our ideal life, we can start to develop ideas about what we want to change, and how we wish to show up and behave differently in future.

What do you think about the questions listed above?

Do you feel like spending some time with them, using them to explore the current state of your life? And to design a clear idea of your desired future?

Do it now – and then you can use the increased awareness to change what needs to get changed in your life:

The thought patterns and behaviour habits that currently keep you from living the life you want.

Our home is the ideal place to practice the habit-creation process

The best way to start getting better at forming powerful habits is to prioritise and focus.

Instead of trying to change behaviours and habits in all areas of our life, we take a step-by-step approach.

We decide to start practicing the habit-creation process in one area of our life.

And we commit ourselves to get this area sorted out with the help of successfully established habits – before we move on to change/improve another area.

Our home is the ideal place to focus on first.

Properly prepared and conducted home-improvement projects not only create positive change in our home.

Doing decluttering and organising work repeatedly and consistently also helps us build useful daily-life routines and clear up our mind and form powerful thought habits.

These are the main reasons why our home is the ideal place for behaviour-change practice:

Continue reading Our home is the ideal place to practice the habit-creation process

How a new evening routine can bring some light at the end of the day

What could you ask instead of ‘How was your day?’

Asking another person positive questions not only helps that person lighten up their mood, it also helps us: Making the effort to think about a good question and hearing ourselves asking it opens up our own mind to the good experiences in our life.

Give it a try, play around and experiment with asking other questions in the evening than just ‘How was your day?’

These are some suggestions:

    • Tell me three good things that happened to you today.
    • What was the best conversation you had today?
    • What are you most grateful for about your day?
    • What made you laugh today?
    • What did you do that was just for you today?
    • What was the best part of your day? Why?
    • Etc.

‘Inventing’ new powerful questions can become a great shared activity at the end of the day, a fun game that you can play with your partner/family at the dinner table every evening.

The good thing about this evening routine, however, is that we don’t need to have other people around us to do it.  

We can create the habit to ask ourselves at least one powerful question before or while we are going to bed.

Make sure that you have a positive mind at the end of the day!