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The process of habit development

Regular repetition of a new behaviour finally makes it habitual.

If we decide to start a new behaviour and intend to continue doing it, we want the new behaviour to get deeply ingrained in our brain and become habitual behaviour, so that we no longer have to invest attention and effort into doing it regularly and reliably.

And yes, if we manage to continue doing the behaviour for a while, our brain ‘gets used’ to it and accepts it as the best course of action in certain circumstances.

It decides that it no longer needs to take conscious care of the behaviour and transfers it into its unconscious areas – the behaviour becomes a habit.

Example:

Most of us buckle up as soon as we sit down in our car. We don’t have to think about it, we don’t have to remind ourselves to do it, we do it on default – buckling up before we start driving has become an unconscious behaviour – a habit.

It’s easier to transform a new behaviour into a habit if our brain ‘likes’ the behaviour.

The problem with many new behaviours is that the survival manager of our brain (Click here to read more about the two parts of the brain) doesn’t want to ‘get used’ to doing them in the beginning.

As soon as we start to execute a new behaviour, the survival manager in our brain gets nervous.

Continue reading The process of habit development

The purpose of habits

The general purpose of habits – Habits help us survive

Habits are not boring or tedious or old-fashioned or stuffy – habits are necessary, effective, and efficient strategies that help us survive and flourish.

Our brain would get overwhelmed and finally collapse if it always had to deliberately choose what to do in a specific moment. We wouldn’t be able to use our brain for high-level cognitive processes if it had to take care of all the nitty-gritty situations and events in our daily life.

About 45% of our daily actions and behaviours are unconscious habits: actions and behaviours that we do on default, without thinking about them.

By taking regularly required behaviours and organising them into habits that get automatically activated when needed, the brain (the survival manager) helps us save energy. (Read more about the two parts of the brain here.)

And we gain precious free space and capacity in our conscious mind that we can use for more demanding cognitive work (the responsibility of the growth manager).

The purpose of intentional habits – Habits help us change and grow

Continue reading The purpose of habits

How can we help our brain let go of its change-aversion – so that we can change ourselves and our life?

The good news is that we are the boss of our brain.

We are responsible – and capable! – of paying close attention to what’s happening in our brain.

We can – and should! – take the leadership.

It’s our job to supervise the survival manager and the growth manager (read more here) and make them cooperate in ways that allow us to survive and to grow.

As we are now aware of the main interests of the survival manager – seeking pleasure, avoiding pain, and saving energy – we can decide to actively support the growth manager and take the lead in the discussions with the survival manager.

The best growth strategy is to pursue new goals and change-intentions in ways that help loosen the survival manager’s automatic resistance:

    • Powerful thoughts and feelings

We deliberately choose and practice empowering thoughts about our plans which help us create powerful feelings. The survival manager’s automatic resistance thoughts lose their power and influence.

    • Easy-to-do actions and behaviours

Continue reading How can we help our brain let go of its change-aversion – so that we can change ourselves and our life?

The two parts of our human brain – and why one of them doesn’t want us to change and evolve

In recent articles of this series, we talked about the power of our thoughts and how the quality of our thinking determines the results and experiences we have in our life.

Because it’s our thoughts that determine what we do – which actions we take and which behaviours we execute consistently.

Today we want to learn more about the human brain and how we can manage it successfully.

The human brain consists of two main parts.

One part of the human brain acts as our ‘survival manager’.

It has helped the human species to survive for thousands and thousands of years by

    • directing us to the things that keeps us alive (food, shelter, sex, community, etc.) and
    • keeping us away from the things that are or could be painful, dangerous, risky (trying new things, moving out of our comfort zone, being adventurous, etc.).

Another part of the brain is responsible for the ‘executive’ work, the high-level cognitive tasks.

Continue reading The two parts of our human brain – and why one of them doesn’t want us to change and evolve

Why it’s so important to choose our thoughts very carefully

Our thoughts determine what we do or don’t do.

Our thoughts and beliefs, the stories we tell ourselves about who we are and what we can or cannot control, what we can or cannot do, determine how we feel, and our feelings drive our actions – the things we do or don’t do.

It really is this easy – whatever our challenge is, our thoughts determine how we approach and manage it:

    • ‘Bad’ (negative, powerless, weak, self-limiting, doubtful, etc.) thoughts create ‘bad’ feelings.

Example:

If I think, ‘This is such a mess, I can’t clear it up.’ I feel hopeless.

    • ‘Bad’ feelings make us take ‘bad’ actions.

If I feel hopeless, I take no action at all or I start and then give up quickly.

    • ‘Bad’ actions create ‘bad’ results/experiences in our life.

Procrastinating or giving up leaves the mess as it is. I create evidence for my original thought (‘I can’t clear it up’).

If we want to change our results, we need to act differently.

Continue reading Why it’s so important to choose our thoughts very carefully

Habits create sustainable change – one-time actions often don’t

‘What you do most days matters more than what you do once in a while.’ (Gretchen Rubin)


The results created by one-time actions are often not sustainable.

Yes, of course, one-time actions can create changes in our life. Even big changes. But do they last?

Example:

Think about a cluttered garage.

A big one-time action, like working a whole weekend in the garage, can definitely create visible and real change: at the end of the weekend the garage is (ideally) clutterfree and organised.

But how will it look like in 4 months’ time?

The success of many one-time actions is short-lived because we do change our external environment, yes, but we don’t change ourselves (our thoughts and feelings), and we don’t change what we do on a regular basis.

New habits help us create reliable and lasting results.

Continue reading Habits create sustainable change – one-time actions often don’t

Clutterfree thoughts + powerful habits = clutterfree life

Clutterfree thoughts -> help us create powerful habits -> which help us create a clutterfree life

Where does the clutter in our life come from?

As human beings, we all have the tendency to accumulate clutter.

It shows up as

    • Thoughts in our mind that don’t serve us.
    • Feelings in our heart that disturb our wellbeing.
    • Actions in our daily life that draw us away from where we want to go.
    • Results in our life that keep us stuck.

The most damaging category of clutter is the clutter in our mind.

What we think determines how we feel and act, and what we create in our life.

Continue reading Clutterfree thoughts + powerful habits = clutterfree life

New habits help you change your life – but do you KNOW WHAT you want TO CHANGE?

Life changes and the importance of asking powerful questions

If we want to make changes in our life, in any area of our life, we need to change our daily life. And ourselves!

We need to think and behave differently, repeatedly, and consistently. We need to form new thought patterns and behaviour habits.

But do you know exactly what you want to change?

And why?

And what the outcomes are that you want to achieve? And why?

And what the specific thought and behaviour habits are that you need to implement to realise the desired change?

The best starting point for any intentional change in our life is to ask ourselves some challenging questions – and answer them!

Questions like these:

    • If my life was ‘perfect’, if it was 100% as I want it to be – what would be different compared to what it is right now?
    • What would have to change in the various areas of my life before I could call them ‘ideal’?
    • How would the ‘perfect’ version of myself be different and behave differently compared to the person I currently am?
    • And – very important – why would the desired versions of my life and of myself be better than the current versions?
    • How am I going to think, feel, and act differently in future? What will I think about myself? What will I feel? What will I do differently?

What’s the purpose of asking challenging questions?

The purpose of this type of questions is not, of course, to make us feel disappointed, incapable, or frustrated  – if right now we are at a place that’s far from ‘perfect’.

The purpose is also not to create feelings of shame, regret, missing out – because we haven’t yet managed to get where we want to be.

The only purpose of asking ourselves questions like those above is to help us gain awareness:

Our answers help us understand better

    • what’s going on in our mind and heart,
    • what’s really important to us,
    • what our dreams and aspirations are and
    • why we have them.

The increased awareness is often all we need to feel motivated and get active.

As soon as we can clearly describe the differences between our present life and our ideal life, we can start to develop ideas about what we want to change, and how we wish to show up and behave differently in future.

What do you think about the questions listed above?

Do you feel like spending some time with them, using them to explore the current state of your life? And to design a clear idea of your desired future?

Do it now – and then you can use the increased awareness to change what needs to get changed in your life:

The thought patterns and behaviour habits that currently keep you from living the life you want.

Our home is the ideal place to practice the habit-creation process

The best way to start getting better at forming powerful habits is to prioritise and focus.

Instead of trying to change behaviours and habits in all areas of our life, we take a step-by-step approach.

We decide to start practicing the habit-creation process in one area of our life.

And we commit ourselves to get this area sorted out with the help of successfully established habits – before we move on to change/improve another area.

Our home is the ideal place to focus on first.

Properly prepared and conducted home-improvement projects not only create positive change in our home.

Doing decluttering and organising work repeatedly and consistently also helps us build useful daily-life routines and clear up our mind and form powerful thought habits.

These are the main reasons why our home is the ideal place for behaviour-change practice:

Continue reading Our home is the ideal place to practice the habit-creation process

The secret of a clutterfree home and life: A clutterfree mind.

The solution to our clutter problems looks easy. But is it really easy?

From the outside, the solution to the clutter problems in our homes looks simple and easy:

Getting rid of the ‘too much stuff’, all the belongings that we don’t need, love, use (any longer) will immediately create sufficient space for the things we want to keep.

As soon as the house is clean and clear, it will be fun to organise everything nicely, and then we can lean back and relax and enjoy our home and life.

We all know, however, that in real life it’s not that simple and easy.

Instead of making decisions and taking action, we so often procrastinate and postpone our decluttering projects, and over time we are even adding new things to the clutter instead of sorting it out.

Why your brain loves the clutter in your life and wants to keep it.

It’s not your fault if you don’t do what you promised yourself to do.

You are not a weak or bad person because you procrastinate and postpone tasks and projects.

There is nothing wrong with you if you struggle to clear up the messy areas in your life.

If anyone is to blame, it’s not you. It’s your brain.

As humans, we all have a human brain. Our brain is extraordinary and amazing. Powerful and efficient. It’s really something special:

    • Having a human brain is wonderful at least half of the time – because the newer parts of our brain enable us to plan deliberately and consciously, to structure and organise, and to realise the ideas and goals that are important to us in our life.
    • Having a human brain, however, can be frustrating the other half of the time. That’s because the older parts of our brain are not at all interested in our personal development and in the realisation of our goals.

Our primitive brain is 100% focused on our survival.

And yes, that’s great – we all want to survive. However, we not only want to survive, but we also want to create, and grow, and enjoy our life.

So how can we motivate our primitive brain to partner up with us and help us achieve our goals and do the things we want to do, like getting rid of the clutter in our home?

We need to understand our human brain and what it does to keep us alive.

Our brain’s job is to ensure our survival.

These are the main parts of its ‘job description’:

    • It wants to help us save energy – That’s why it’s trying its best to make us efficient and to avoid hard work. That’s why it prefers to rinse and repeat our thoughts, feelings, and actions instead of doing anything new or challenging.
    • It wants to protect us from feeling any pain or discomfort – That’s why it wants us to seek pleasure and run away from anything that might cause us even temporary pain or discomfort.
    • It wants to keep us safe and away from any potential risks – That’s why it tells us that we can’t do new things, that we should hide ourselves where we are, that we are unable to change anything.

We need to understand and accept that our brain is programmed to protest whenever we make challenging plans and choose new goals, whenever we decide that we want to change ourselves or our lives.

The purpose and the effects of our negative and limiting thoughts.

The main strategy of our brain in doing its job as our ‘survival manager’ is to offer us negative thoughts.

It permanently tells us that we are not capable to do it, that we don’t need to do it, that we don’t know how to do it, that it’s too hard, that we will fail and feel terrible.

That our brain is coming up with these kinds of thoughts is actually not the problem. It’s just what human brains are supposed to do.

The problem is that most of these thoughts that our brain produces on default are unconscious thoughts – and that we don’t realise that they are just thoughts, not facts.

All these thoughts that are supposed to keep us from getting started, from doing what we want to do, are just sentences in our mind – they are not the truth.

The good news is that we can solve this problem.

We have a brain, but we are not our brain. We can decide to deliberately manage our mind and take control of our thoughts, those sentences in our mind.

The solution is just one thought away.

All we need is awareness and decisiveness.

We need to become aware of what we are currently thinking because what we are thinking determines what we are feeling and doing. Or not doing.

And then we can decide to declutter any limiting or useless thoughts and replace them with new powerful thoughts – thoughts that allow us to get started and help us get things done.

As soon as we get used to thinking differently, we are going to feel and act differently. We are going to start and finish what we want to do, we get things done.


How we can help our brain believe that we can take action and create results

We now know why our brain doesn’t want us to create change in our life and why it’s so determined to make it as difficult as possible for us to do new or challenging things.

We appreciate its intention (to keep us safe and comfortable) but we no longer want to follow its suggestions (because they keep us stuck).

We are willing to make some bold decisions and let go of thought errors and replace them with powerful new thoughts.

However, we can’t expect our thought work to be 100% successful from day one.

We need to expect our brain to come up with resistance.

It will fight our new ideas and it will try to prove to us that the old way of thinking about us and our abilities is the best way and that we should give up and declare defeat.

Our brain is easier to persuade if it can see some evidence that we are on the right track.

The best way to get our brain on board is to offer it some early success stories. 

And we are absolutely able to create these success stories, even when our new thoughts are not yet 100% grounded in and accepted by our brain.

We do so by committing ourselves to do some practical physical work, just a little bit, a few tiny steps – to get started and to deliver first visible and believable results.

This will help our brain to change its mind and become a supporter of our decluttering projects.


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How to choose your next decuttering project – Some ideas.

What’s your next decluttering project?

Every home is different, and every place has its own challenges, of course.

And we ‘declutterers’ are all unique, we all have our special requirements and preferences and our personal ideas about how our home should look like.

Only you can decide which areas in your home or which categories of belongings need some decluttering, and in which order you wish to organise the work.

If you are not sure where to begin, you could first do a little awareness-exercise:

Walk through your home and create a list of all those areas you don’t feel happy about because they look cluttered or disorganised. 

And then – don’t overthink it – choose the problem area you wish to tackle first.

Areas to declutter – Some suggestions

Focus on the very personal stuff

You may decide to concentrate on the very personal areas in your home first. This will let you experience the benefits of your decluttering work immediately and personally.

Examples:

    • the content of your briefcase/handbag (click here for some inspiration);
    • the top of your dresser;
    • the drawer with your underwear;
    • your email inbox;
    • the make-up drawer;
    • etc.

Focus on open areas

It’s a good idea to focus on open areas in the beginning because you’ll very quickly see positive results of your work. This will keep your motivation up.

Examples of open areas:

    • the top of the dresser;
    • the top of the kitchen counter;
    • the dinner table;
    • the window sills;
    • the stuff in and around the shower and the bath tub;
    • etc.

Focus on one room

As soon as the open areas are clear and clean you could choose one room to declutter, step-by-step, over the course of a couple of days.

Divide the room into several smaller areas. During each decluttering session you work on just one area until it’s completely decluttered and re-organised.

Example – the kitchen: the fridge, the freezer, one or several drawers or boxes in the pantry, the cabinet under the sink; the pet supplies/toys, one or several drawers or cupboards with the pots and pans, the cutlery, the dishes, glasses, flatware, the drawer with the herbs and spices; etc.

Focus on one category

It is also possible to work on one category or sub-category of belongings at a time.

Examples:

    • gardening tools/equipment/supplies;
    • medicine, vitamins, and supplements;
    • linen and towels;
    • shoes;
    • the boxes/bags with the holiday decorations;
    • photo albums and lose photos;
    • hobby/craft supplies;
    • sports equipment;
    • the files and folders on the computer;
    • etc.

Have you got some ideas for your next project? 

Pick up your calendar and schedule the first decluttering session. And then stick to that appointment with yourself.

Feeling a bit overwhelmed now?

What if you feel like freaking out now because your list of projects seems to be overwhelming? Not doable? Exhausting?

Take a deep breath and calm down.

Remind yourself that you don’t have to do your decluttering projects in one go.

You can decide to take the small-steps decluttering approach.

Click here to learn how you can get all the work done, step-by-step.

Preventing the influx of new clutter – A shopping ban can bring surprising insights. About you. And your stuff.

The purpose of daily-life experimentation

Creating and conducting experiments in our daily life is a playful way to develop greater self-awareness and to try out new ways of behaviour or testing the effects of new ways to solve problems.

Shopping bans – Experimenting with buying less

Shopping bans, for example, are a way of temporarily experimenting with drastically changed shopping behaviours.

Do you have any experience with shopping bans?

Some time ago I imposed a 3-months-shopping-ban on myself – no spending on books and clothes for 3 months.

This is what my shopping-ban exercise taught me:

    • I appreciate more what I have and I use it with more care and attention if – for a while – nothing new is coming in.
    • A lot of my buying behaviour is directed by spontaneous shopping decisions.
    • I can break this circle of ‘automatic’ money spending if I postpone the decision for some days.
    • Often, I no longer want to have the desired item and don’t buy it, without any regret.
    • And if I decide to buy it after some days of consideration, I appreciate it more consciously and gratefully.

How do you feel about experimenting with a shopping ban?

EXERCISE

Impose a shopping ban on yourself to understand your shopping decisions better or to change them.

    • Determine the duration of the shopping ban. (Two weeks? One months? Three?)
    • Transfer the start and finish dates of the ban into your calendar.
    • Decide what type of shopping is not covered by the ban (Groceries. One coffee-to-go per day? Eating out once a week?)
    • Start a little journal and keep notes of your experiences – Your thoughts and feelings and actions.
    • In situations where you didn’t stick to the ban. What did you think and feel while you were making the purchase? And after it?
    • In situations where you obeyed to your rules and didn’t buy something that you’d have bought without the ban. Was it difficult? Or easy? Why?
    • Start a list and take notes of the things you would like to buy. You can promise yourself to revisit this list and to purchase whatever you still desire to have after the end of the ban.

At the end of the ban, sit down and evaluate your experiences.

Summarize what the shopping-ban exercise taught you about yourself.

And your shopping behaviour.

And how you plan to make use of those learning-gains in the future.